Oprah, if you come out as a lesbian, all is forgiven

by CynthiaYockey on April 9, 2010

Front page of National Enquirer for April 7, 2010, with the photo of Oprah Winfrey and Gayle King and the headline, "Oprah kicks Stedman out -- and Gayle moves in."This afternoon when Dad and I were buying groceries, I noticed the National Enquirer’s headline that Oprah has ordered Stedman out and moved Gayle King in because she’s “tired of living a lie.”

Waddaya know — Kathy Griffin was right.

So, Oprah, if you come out as a lesbian, all is forgiven. We’ll see to it you and Gayle receive the platinum level membership cards, along with the traditional toaster oven, which will be awarded to you in a special ceremony to be conducted by Ellen DeGeneres in June on Pride Day in the chic location of your choice.

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Jenn April 9, 2010 at 11:07 am

I imagine the toaster will be platinum plated…you know because it’s Oprah 🙂
.-= Jenn´s last blog ..The Flaw To Your Coolness =-.

Stinky April 9, 2010 at 12:28 pm

As I’ve posted before, my gaydar is virtually non-existent. I can tell Perez Hilton is gay. So, I’m taking your word for it that Oprah is gay!

So, why do you think she’s not out? Do you think it’s because she is afraid it will affect her popularity, or because she hasn’t come to grips with it herself, or a combination of the two? I can’t believe that it’s because of privacy – she has been very open about other personal aspects of her life.

Along these lines, I love the idea of an “Ask Cynthia” post every once in a while, on LGBQT (I’m not even sure I got the acronym right) issues. I know I have questions, some of which are very silly. For example, why do I keep reading “teh gays,” instead of “THE gays?” On a more serious note, you posted a couple times about Margaret being attacked when she was in a wheelchair be lesbian activists her were not accepting of feminine lesbians. Let me tell you, before I read that, I had no idea that there were “feminine” and “anti-feminine” factions in the lesbian community. Am I understanding this correctly? If not, I would sure like to learn more.

Cynthia Yockey April 9, 2010 at 1:14 pm


Why wasn’t Michael Jackson out? Besides the fact that his own father would probably have murdered him, I mean? Or the overwhelming rejection and condemnation he would have gotten from black leaders like Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and Louis Farrakhan?

Oprah’s talk show career was launched in Baltimore when she was co-host of “People Are Talking” with Richard Sher. I used to watch that show, so I’ve seen her over most of her career. Do you think Oprah, starting in the 1980’s, could have gotten millions of people to love her and identify with her as an openly-lesbian woman? I don’t think so.

Margaret was attacked at the Passages conference in 1995 five years into our campaign to get its leaders — who were at the top of the disability rights movement — to choose wheelchair accessible spaces for their annual conference. That year they chose the L’Enfant Plaza Hotel in Washington, D.C., and advertised it as wheelchair accessible without bothering to check. The L’Enfant Plaza Hotel is situated over the L’Enfant Plaza Metro stop. However, the elevator for wheelchair access to the surface comes up at the bottom of a very long hill and the hotel is at the top. You are exposed to the weather the whole way. It’s the only Metro stop in D.C. where the handicapped access elevator is so far from the main stop, and it is famous for that. I was furious by the time I had pushed Margaret to the top of that hill. So when they saw us talking to a reporter, one of them came at Margaret in a screaming rage. Margaret was pale and shaking for some time afterwards. So being “anti-feminine” was not the cause of that attack — it was wounded narcissism at being caught screwing up YET AGAIN. However, in general, I do think we were being marginalized as punishment for creating a space for feminine lesbians called the Lesbian Ladies Society in the late 1980’s.

Feminine lesbians prefer other feminine lesbians as partners. I think they get abused and hounded out of the lesbian community and account for a number of lesbians who claim they changed sexual orientation.

Femme lesbians appear and act feminine and are attracted to masculine partners, who are called butches. The couple like role-playing, in the sense of adopting traditionally defined male and female roles.

Dykes are lesbians with a masculine appearance and behavior and they choose either femme partners or other dykes.

Butches and dykes feel humiliated when they are required to “pass as straight” and wear feminine clothing and present a feminine appearance. They tend to believe that other lesbians are like them and resent being forced to pass as straight, OR that the existence of feminine lesbians will result in them being forced to pass as straight. Acting on this belief, they bully and denounce feminine lesbians and will drive them out of bars and lesbian events by approaching them aggressively, insulting them, and telling them they are not real lesbians and don’t belong there. Because that’s how gleichschaltung embraces diversity.

It doesn’t help that feminine lesbians often dress as dykes in the lesbian community in order to escape getting hassled for being feminine — a problem that particularly reduces the presence of black women in the lesbian community. My Lesbian Ladies Society was ALWAYS 10 to 20 percent black, while I noticed that every other lesbian organization or event I attended was lucky to have five percent black attendance IN PREDOMINANTLY BLACK WASHINGTON, D.C. I once spoke about my group, the Lesbian Ladies Society, at another lesbian group called the Gay Women’s Alternative, which met in Washington, D.C., and easily 10 percent of the audience of 70 or 80 women there had attended my group but were dressed as dykes at GWA. So when the dykes launched on me, I had to explain to them that they were attacking women right there at the time whom they had intimidated into faking a dyke identity to avoid being harassed BY OTHER LESBIANS. This had a transforming effect on them that was very wholesome for everyone.

Why, yes, now that you mention it, the lesbian community IS something of a snakepit/non-stop power struggle. I think equality is going to help with that — for one thing the goal of marriage is a healing force of extraordinary power.

“TEH gays” is LOLCat-speak — see I Can Has Cheezburger and I Has a Hotdog for examples of how teh kittehs and goggies talk.

Thanks for asking — keep asking questions — I’m happy to answer them! Do you think I should write a book? Other gentle readers — what say you?


Stinky April 9, 2010 at 1:42 pm

Yes, a book would be great, and I’m looking forward to that book on tomatoes, too.

Thank you for answering these questions. I never thought of Michael Jackson as gay. Really. I viewed him as an immensely talented, psychologically fragile person who never matured sexually enough to have a relationship with either an adult man or a woman. But as I’ve said before, I’m no expert on these things.

Cynthia Yockey April 9, 2010 at 3:42 pm


It’s impossible to mature emotionally when you must hide your sexuality. You don’t get to date in high school among kids your own age. When teens come out they don’t get any of the protections, support and guidance that straight teens have. They are thrown straight in with adults.

But people like Michael Jackson, even with his enormous power and wealth, had/have to sneak around all their lives. This makes it almost impossible to become whole and mature. That’s why I keep talking about the healing that equality will bring to the gay community, and our society.

I’m going to figure out how to do a poll to see what my dear gentle readers want to read and would pay for in a book about gay and lesbian equality issues. It feels like it’s time for me to write one.


Amy April 11, 2010 at 4:59 pm

You HAVE to write a book. It’s clear that the book is “in” you…if you can’t stop thinking about it, then it’s time. Additionally you have (at least IMO) the discipline required…just look at what you’ve accomplished on this site.

And, from a more personal perspective…gay rights/marriage equality has never been real high on my list of “issues”. I’ve always had a hands off approach…it doesn’t personally effect me, so whatever. Get married, don’t get married, just don’t get in my face.

But Miss Cynthia, you’ve actually made me care. You’ve made it real for me…I’ve actually had to think about this and form a strong opinion and choose a side, whereas before I would respond to critics with a half-hearted “What skin is it off your ass?” (shockingly, this is a less effective argument than you might think). So you see…your voice is a powerful one, and more people need to hear it. Get writing.

Odd aside – the older I get, the more pro-life and pro-gay marriage I become. Been trying to figure out the correlation.

Cynthia Yockey April 11, 2010 at 5:25 pm


Thank you, thank you, thank you!

OK, then — it’s on. I will write an outline and then ask my dear gentle readers for feedback on what they need to know and would pay for. I was thinking of doing some polls, but those can be gamed. I will go with dear gentle reader feedback.

Wow! I’m so psyched!



It never before occurred to me that “What skin is it off your ass?” would be an argument in our favor — I’m still smiling!

longviewcyclist April 14, 2010 at 2:21 am

No, all will NOT be forgiven. She endorsed Obama.

I can’t keep her from getting a membership card, but the vote on the toaster oven has to be unanimous. Nay, all the way, baby!

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