New troll policy courtesy of The Bloggess

by CynthiaYockey on February 20, 2011

I am instituting a new troll policy, which is inspired by my dear friend Jennifer Lawson, The Bloggess:

… sadly, there are always assholes in the world. In fact, some of them have computers and use them to troll the Internet and viciously attack people they’ve never even met. When I first started blogging, I was a bit shocked that perfect strangers would go to the trouble to leave comments like “your retarded” (sic) but I quickly learned that those people are the same assholes from high school, and that it’s amazingly easy to change a comment saying, “You suck and you’re a shitty writer and everyone hates you” to “You are the best writer in the world and I’m naming all of my children after you.” Then the troll would return to see what damage he’d done to my self-esteem and would be livid to see that I’d changed his comment and would write, “I NEVER WROTE THAT. I WROTE THAT YOU SUCK. YOU AREN’T FUNNY” which I would quickly change to “Your writing is magical and I would love to watch you sleep but I’m afraid to get too near you because my herpes are really contagious.” Then I continue to do this until the troll spontaneously combusts from sheer frustration. It seems harsh but if someone is going to try to bully me I at least want to be entertained by it.

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  • Patty R

    LOL – this is so wonderful and simple! I hate getting sucked into rabbit holes after idiots, and this is answer!

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  • That’s awesome! May have to try that! 🙂

  • Amy

    LOVE it!!! On the very first blog post I ever wrote, someone left a really nasty comment about my writing (which, by the way, is AWESOME). I was so upset and got that awful sick feeling you get when someone is mean to you for no reason…and then I discovered the edit function. Been using it ever since.

    • This is totally going to transform my blog. I haven’t tried to create a community here up to now because I was worried about being mobbed by bullies and trolls. Now I can encourage comments and discussion because instead of replying to bullies and trolls I can reframe their comments. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

  • I R A Darth Aggie

    You are the best writer in the world and I’m naming all of my children after you.

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