Mullah Iowahak Muhammadavi al-Burjihad. What could go wrong?

See Smilin’ Hawk’s pre-owned creampuffs.

First National Public Radio fires Juan Williams for daring to admit that when he gets a little nervous when anyone sitting next to him on an airplane gives him a business card identifying himself as a member of the Army of Allah and tells him it is the duty of Muslims to cut off the heads of infidels and pour boiling oil down their throats. Oh, wait, no, I’m thinking of Army psychiatrist and Ft. Hood mass murderer Nidal Malik Hasan. Juan Williams was fired for saying he gets worried when he’s on an airplane with people wearing clothes that show they identify first and foremost as people whose duty is to cut off the heads of infidels and pour boiling oil down their throats. BIG difference.

Then MSNBC suspends anchor Keith Olbermann — who is highly regarded for his rectitude and even-handed reporting by all the voices in his head — for the piddling ethics violations of donating money to the campaigns of political candidates on top of all the millions of dollars of publicity he already lavished on them at no charge by giving them fawning interviews and fulminating against their foes on his cable news show.

And now — the horror! — Iowahawk is the latest victim of an attack on a heroic news commentator for expressing his First Amendment rights! Tense negotiations have been underway all day on Twitter between Iowahawk management, aka “I,” and Iowahawk, aka “me.” However, there IS hope that this impasse will be broken soon thanks to mediation to be conducted by Iowahawk “myself.” The first negotiation with Iowahawk “me,” “myself” and “I” is scheduled tonight at 8 pm, CT, in Chicago. Hopefully, this meeting will produce a happy ending to our national nightmare and restore Iowahawk to his rightful perch in the blogosphere.

Update, 11/9/10, Tues.: Welcome, Iowahawk readers! I don’t quite know whether I have to thank Iowahawk “me,” “myself” or “I” for the link, so I’m sending my shout-out to all three. For breaking news on the outcome of the Iowahawk “Night Train” summit, follow @iowahawkblog on Twitter (and while you’re in the neighborhood, @conservativelez, too).

Wait, that didn’t come out right.

Check out Iowahawk’s brilliant take on the intra-party war top Democrats are now waging via their proxies in the press and see if, like me, it reminds you of the song from the musical Chicago, “They Both Reached for the Gun” — and, um, just to be clear, I mean the puppet master aspect of the song, not the gun, although, come to think of it, this IS a circular firing squad, and they are ALL reaching for the gun.

That’s how Iowahawk’s guest blogger this week knows Obama’s State of the Union address was a symphony:

In those astonishing 75 minutes that held an entire nation rapt, Mr. Obama transcended the earthly bounds of mere oratory; it was the music of Heaven itself, and only the language of music can sufficiently describe his sheer virtuosity. Luckily, music is a second language for me, having once played second bassoon ….

Front and back images of a Puchner bassoon. Puchner is a highly regarded bassoon manufacturer; their instruments are a joy to play.

Iowahawk understands statistical analysis — something to do with his day job and all — and his column this week is educational, rather than humorous, on the subject of Climategate. He walks his readers through the process of deriving the famous “hockey stick” graph, which purports to prove global temperatures are rising at such a catastrophic speed that only the immediate destruction of capitalism and the global economy will appease the Sun God and cool the planet. This will be catnip for my scientist friends, but you should be able to follow everything if you have an average understanding of high school math and science.

For a smart and comprehensive round-up on Climategate and the Obama administration’s power grab over the economy by declaring it entirely subject to EPA regulation due to the menace of carbon dioxide, see The Anchoress from 12/7.

Oh, and I know a week or so ago everyone was linking “Hide the Decline,” which is a parody based on “Dragging the Line” from Tommy James and the Shondells, but I love it and I can’t resist adding it here even if I’m late:

As Iowahawk reports:

Anyhoo, after receiving General McChrystal’s request, I carefully reviewed and focus tested it with some of the top military strategists of DailyKos and HuffingtonPost. As an alternative, they suggested sending a special force of 200 diversity-trained surrender consultants. After several months of careful deliberation, polling, and strategic golfing, I told the General I would provide him a force of 30,000, which is fully 75% of a 110% commitment.

Iowahawk’s column from 11/6/2008 on the election of Obama, which he re-published yesterday, has proved to be prescient. My only quibble is that the presidency is Obama’s second full-time job ever, not his first. He was a copy editor in his 20′s. While others complain that Obama has never run so much as a lemonade stand, it just occurred to me that he had a cocaine habit that his legitimate income would not have supported, so he may well have entrepreneurial experience, after all, if he were a drug dealer. Well, I suppose that counts.

Iowahawk’s congratulatory column begins:

Although I have not always been the most outspoken advocate of President-Elect Barack Obama, today I would like to congratulate him and add my voice to the millions of fellow citizens who are celebrating his historic and frightening election victory. I don’t care whether you are a conservative or a liberal — when you saw this inspiring young African-American rise to our nation’s highest office I hope you felt the same sense of patriotic pride that I experienced, no matter how hard you were hyperventilating with deep existential dread.

And continues here.

Guest bloggers at Iowahawk’s tell a tale of woe of the Big Voter booboisie on the march in ever-increasing numbers with the goal of limiting their rights as Government-Americans:

Certainly, legislators and government officials have always had to deal with the annoyance of obtrusive constituents. But there was always a belief that somehow, between election campaigns, we would muddle along despite the constant threat of voter interference. Those of us who survived the horrors of November 1994 worked hard to design important safety net protections, such as revolving doors, redistricting, earmarks, and franking privileges, in a bipartisan effort to insure “Never Again.” And with the inauguration of President Obama in January, there was an optimistic sense that the era of Big Voter was finally over.

And for the background story, just mosey on over to The Sundries Shack for the video, or check out Roger Simon, who provides a transcription of the money quote:

“I look at this health care plan and I see nothing that is about health or about care. What I see is a bureaucratic nightmare, Senator. Medicaid is broke, Medicare is broke, Social Security is broke and you want us to believe that a government that can’t even run a Cash for Clunkers program is going to run one-seventh of our U.S. economy? No sir, no!” she said.