Although, for the dear innocent and guileless straight people who are asserting that you can tell our beloved Andrew is straight because he is married and has four children, claims like that just make gays and lesbians helpless with mirth. Really. That is ROFLOL, pants-wettingly funny. That’s because plenty of gays and lesbians marry and have children for the perks of heterosexuality and lead their gay lives on the down-low. Which is one of the very, VERY best reasons for gay marriage equality. It will rid our community of these predators and ensure straight people who marry get an honest-to-goodness straight spouse who truly desires them. Because when we can’t marry each other, we will marry you — in my head, I’m saying that with the same cadence Khrushchev used when he said, “We will bury you.” On account of I remember when that was the “evening news,” not “history.”
Oh, and if you’re wondering, we don’t ask for proof that someone is straight or gay because it’s an inner experience and cannot be proved. We go on your say so.