First of all, let me be clear, Bookworm: there is NO SUCH THING as a good reason to deny lesbians and gays equality, including the right to choose a same-sex spouse in a federally-recognized marriage. The General Accountability Office in a report to Congress on the Defense of Marriage Act of 1996 identified 1,138 federal rights allowed to couples whose marriage the federal government recognizes. There are hundreds more rights at the state level that attend the right to marry. The purpose of DOMA was not to defend marriage, it was to disadvantage a group of people that a coalition of religions — Mormon, Catholic and Evangelical Protestant — wish to destroy or bully into making babies to increase their power and wealth.
The issue is equality for lesbians and gays. Start from the concept of equality, rather than piecemeal rights. Then remember that lesbians and gays are NOT first-class citizens in the United States. And think about how much you are asking of lesbians and gays regarding marriage when our ability to commit and marry is under attack at all times. For example, gays and lesbians do not get to date in high school the same way straight kids do. They may not get to date until their late teens or early 20’s. This causes a developmental delay — you really do have to go through those stages and it is a terrible loss not to have the same support, guidance and approbation that your straight peers do as they practice the skills of finding an appropriate spouse and staying together.
On top of that, straight children grow up with the dream of marriage. They don’t just fantasize about what their spouse and wedding will be like. From an early age, they plan their education and careers with marriage in mind and the prospect of creating a family. This target is a huge blessing because it motivates and socializes the people who have it — straight people.
It is crippling to lesbians and gays NOT to have equality and the dream of marriage. Why make sacrifices for something you can’t have? In addition, why learn the skills of building a life together when so much is stacked against you? In fact, it’s hardly possible to learn the social skills required for marriage under those circumstances.
Social conservatives may believe they are well-intentioned, but the reality is that they destroy the lives of lesbians and gays via deaths of a thousand cuts, then gloat and preen themselves that the ones who are permanently damaged or killed at their hands are proof of the natural inferiority of lesbians and gays, which proves they should never have equality. It’s quite the sweet little self-fulfilling prophecy.
How about this? Why not give lesbians and gays the same equality and support for marriage that straight people have, for at least as much time as y’all have had, and then let’s see if we really come out all that differently with regard to our ability to build lasting marriages?
And here are three closing thoughts: first, why did you not notice that the story you linked discussed only men, yet you applied it to dismiss marriage equality for lesbians, too?
Second, the idea that same-sex marriage equality “redefines” marriage comes from religious propaganda aimed at giving people a rationale — any rationale — for denying lesbians and gays equality. Most religions have their own definition of marriage. A Catholic marriage is not the same as a Methodist marriage, which is not the same as either of the two Mormon definitions of marriage (not including the “plural” marriage used to create the largest number of members in the shortest possible time, which the church did not renounce until 1904). You do know the Mormon church has re-defined marriage so that the only truly spiritually superior marriage is between Mormons and consecrated in a Mormon temple, right? Well, the Metropolitan Community Church is just as entitled as any other religion to define marriage and lo! it approves of same-sex marriage!
Finally, what we seek is equality, so all we want changed regarding marriage laws is simple inclusion, including in the laws regarding monogamy.