I remember you — in memory of Margaret Ardussi

by CynthiaYockey on December 7, 2009

In memory of Margaret Ardussi (June 1, 1941 to Dec. 7, 2004), my late life partner of over 20 years.

Blogging is going to be light for a few days.

Margaret Ardussi (left) and Cynthia Yockey, our first Christmas, 1984. Margaret had multiple sclerosis and this is one of the last photos taken of her standing.

Margaret Ardussi (left) and Cynthia Yockey, our first Christmas, 1984. Margaret had multiple sclerosis and this is one of the last photos taken of her standing.

Margaret and Cynthia with a cake my father brought for our twentieth anniversary on Sept. 25, 2004, when Margaret was dying and at home with me under hospice care.

Margaret and me with a cake my father brought for our twentieth anniversary on Sept. 25, 2004, when Margaret was dying and at home with me under hospice care.

Frank Ifield, “I Remember You”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RhMoC6kjMQ

Slim Whitman, introduced by Andy Kaufman (who was a TM teacher like Margaret):

Follow conservativelez on Twitter

  • Kelly

    I’m new to your blog, and absolutely loving it. Thank you for your honesty, courage and shrewd analysis. And humor! I’m so very sorry for your loss. Take good care, take a blogging break, and take all the time you want to remember and celebrate your partner. Your fans will wait patiently. We aren’t going anywhere. My thoughts are with you.

    • Kelly,

      Thank you for ALL your kind praise and words of support — and patience! I appreciate everything you wrote more than I can say.

      Cynthia

  • Stinky

    God bless you, dear Cynthia, and may angels enfold you in their wings and give you a measure of comfort. People much wiser than I have said that the ONLY thing that lasts forever is love.

  • Ad rem

    Cynthia,

    Your pictures speak volumes as to the beauty and depth of a loving relationship. The happiness and joy shown in your faces says it all.

  • sybilll

    What a beautiful tribute, Cynthia. Very moving. I, too, am very sorry for your loss. Take all the time you need. Kelly is right, we aren’t going anywhere.

  • Bruce

    Cynthia,

    I’m glad that you and Margaret were able to share those decades together. May you find comfort in remembering the many good times the two of you shared, and be grateful for the good fortune you both had in finding each other when you did. God bless.

    Bruce

  • Attmay

    We’ll miss you while you take your blogging hiatus.

    It is moving to see that you were devoted to her up to the end. The absence of federal recognition of our marriages may hurt us, but it cannot break the emotional ties that bind us as couples.

    In sickness and in health, for better or for worse, for as long as you both shall live.

  • I just said a little prayer for you and that your Margaret is finally comfortable.

    My belief in God and an afterlife is comforting. I permits me to know that I will see the friends and relatives who went before me and that you and Margaret will hold hands and walk together again.

  • Laura

    Cynthia, I love your blog, and I want to say I’m so very sorry for your loss. It’s wonderful that you had such a lasting, loving relationship. Your readers will all be here when you feel like resuming the blogging, but for now, take time for yourself.

  • Pingback: Cynthia Remembers Margaret. | Little Miss Attila()

  • I R A Darth Aggie

    *sniff* Sorry, I got sumthin’ in my eye. Speck of dirt, perhaps an eyelash.

  • What a beautiful couple you made. I’m so sorry, Cynthia.
    .-= Cassandra´s last blog ..Frodo Lives! =-.

  • Pingback: Villainous Company()

  • Cynthia,

    You and Margaret had much more of a true marriage than many straight couples I know.

    God bless. May your heart be full of happy memories to ease the pain of your loss.
    .-= Conservative Pup´s last blog ..“Five Little Fingers”, by Stephen Hill =-.

  • Cynthia,

    I lost my mother to the devastation of Multiple Sclerosis the Sunday following Thanksgiving Day in 1996. I helped my father take care of mother’s needs from 1972 until her passing in 1996. We both were determined that she would never be placed in a nursing home as we felt it would hasten her death. It is a decision I do not regret.

    Her passing sapped all the Spirit of Christmas from my father and me. For thirteen years my home was missing a Christmas tree. This year I rediscovered the joy of the birth of the Christ Child and the Spirit of the Season. I now have two Christmas trees adorning my home. It feels wonderful.

    I have shed a tear for your loss and uttered a prayer for you Cynthia, that in time, your sorrow will diminish and the memories of your joyous life together with Margaret will increase a thousand-fold.

    “Tears are God’s gift to us, our holy water. They heal us as they flow.”—Rita Schiano
    .-= No Sheeples Here´s last blog ..Gator Demotivators =-.

  • Joe

    I am sorry for your loss.

  • Carve your gladness in stone, but write your sorrows in the sand…
    .-= BillT´s last blog ..It’s De Facto =-.

  • Yu-Ain Gonnano

    My deepest sympathies, Cynthia.

  • I have shed a tear for your loss and uttered a prayer for you Cynthia, that in time, your sorrow will diminish and the memories of your joyous life together with Margaret will increase a thousand-fold.

    Amen.

  • Just dropping a note to see how you’re doing…

    http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_j24uCNMZoG8/Sx_nEXf9_iI/AAAAAAAAKMU/-zmO7mAPCSs/s400/kitten-hug.jpg
    .-= Richard McEnroe´s last blog ..Is Snopes.com Astroturf? =-.

  • Dear Cynthia, your true love never leaves, you can feel that presence in every corner, and every word and every memory are staying with you, not for long as you live but forever.

    In these circumstances I am always fighting to find the exact words to express from my personal exprience what I think and feel, but this time I’m sure you know this a lot better than me. Sorry for your loss.
    .-= Dr. sipmac´s last blog ..Soap Opera values lurking in the real world =-.

    • Thank you all for your condolences, which truly consoled me and warmed my heart!

      I am grateful to have such loving gentle readers! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

      Cynthia

  • Prosehack65

    I stumbled here by accident–but was apparently meant to.

    Your devotion to your partner “in sickness and in health,” is–well, it is as it should be. That’s what we do for people we love. I know it wasn’t all sunshine and unicorns, but the important thing is the vow, whether state-sanctioned or no.

    My partner of 5 years suffered from bi-polar disorder, and we spent much of our relationship dealing with those issues.

    She shot herself, in front of me, this February. This is my first holiday without her.

    I’m not sure how I’m going to do this. I can’t imagine how you did.

    • Prosehack65,

      It was the worst pain of my life to lose Margaret, even though her death was expected and I was able to make her experience as free of pain and fear and filled with love as it is possible to be.

      However, your loss is entirely different. I hope you are working with a bereavement counselor and a support group for people who have survived a loved one’s suicide.

      Because your life partner left you under circumstances that were traumatizing, you may benefit as well from working with the concepts of forgiveness and release. I particularly like the works of the Unity minister, Catherine Ponder, on this subject — she has excellent advice on this subject (try The Dynamic Laws of Prosperity or Pray and Grow Rich). Forgiveness is the process of clearing the hurt, anger and resentment that connect you to someone who hurt you, or whom you have hurt. The purpose of forgiveness is to be free of those toxic emotions AND the connection to the person who inspired them.

      The Stuart Lichtman book I advertise after each post also has a process that could be very helpful (I receive an affiliate commission if you buy it through my link, but the reason I advertise it is that I like the book).

      I am not a counselor or therapist — I am just making some suggestions that I hope will help you find your way to the professionals who can do you the most good. I wish you all the best.

      Cynthia

  • Pingback: I am a finalist for Grande Conservative Blogress at Gay Patriot — voting has started — Cynthia Yockey, A Conservative Lesbian()

Previous post:

Next post: