First, the vast majority of lesbians and gays, including me, feel our sexual orientation is something we can’t change any more than heterosexuals could change their sexual orientation. So why should the vast majority of lesbians and gays be denied equality because some people are bisexual — note the entirely different noun for the entirely different group of people? No reason!

Regarding bisexuals, I am skeptical that bisexuality is a sexual orientation since it is a trait of some sexual predators to ignore the sex of their prey and select them for their vulnerability. HillBuzz says Obama frequented a gay bar in Chicago called Man’s Country for gay sex — because of Obama’s sociopathy, I expect he is more of a sexual predator than authentically gay.

Another thing to consider is that there’s really no such thing as privacy about one’s sexual orientation since it comes up in daily life in thousands of ways that heterosexuals never think of since they never have to hide their heterosexuality. So — talking about celebrities you find attractive, dates you’ve had, introducing the person you want to marry to your family, talking about your spouse: all of these reveal your sexual orientation. Straight people get to use chit-chat based on their sexual orientation to create a sense of connection with friends, dates, clients, voters, you name it. When I was a Realtor I had to stop wearing a wedding ring to indicate my commitment to Margaret because everyone would look at it and and me about my husband. So you know what? Because of all those occasions where your sexual orientation comes up in ordinary conversation and daily interactions, it takes an ENORMOUS amount of courage, self-knowledge, self-confidence and self-assertion to come out. Women, in particular, tend to come out in their thirties because of this — Cynthia Nixon, the actress, is an example. So I think some people who go back and forth between straight and gay in truth just lack the courage and energy to be gay, or they are settling for the perks on the straight side. In addition, it’s my perception that the lesbian community is very hostile to feminine lesbians who prefer feminine partners — a group I think comprises half of all lesbians, including me. I think a lot of these women settle for a straight relationship — and may even say they decided they really were straight when really the lesbian community was so hostile to them they couldn’t find a suitable partner and stay.

I think it may take a couple of generations of equality to help heal the lesbian and gay communities — and it is equality that will do the job, not religious condemnation and civil inequality.

Also, the examples you cite: they made their choices without being tortured in any “ex-gay” program. The “ex-gay” programs really are about tormenting and bullying people to conform to an ideology. Spiritually, they are adharma — forcing someone out of their path — which I believe is the worst spiritual crime possible.

The bottom line is that even if there is such a thing as bisexuality, that’s a separate group of people and they should not be used to deny homosexuals equality. In addition, when bisexuals do commit to a homosexual relationship, they become second-class citizens along with their homosexual spouse. There’s no reason for that.

However, I still maintain that most people feel their sexual orientation is innate and something they can’t change. There is no good reason to deny us equality based on our sexual orientation, or our prospects for having children (especially since we can adopt or raise children from a previous marriage or raise our spouse’s children — 20 percent of homosexual couples have children and those kids can only benefit from knowing they have another parent legally committed to them for life).

Regarding the “ex-gay” movement, now that I think about it, I believe the main reason it was created is that the argument that homosexuals are forced into second-class citizenship over a trait we can’t change and that this is an unacceptable injustice makes sense to people and they agree and are willing to support legislation that would give us equal rights. So the “ex-gay” movement exists as a propaganda tool in an effort to destroy our central, and correct, argument for equality. At the very least it manages to confuse people so their ardent support dwindles to stagnation. But you should consider carefully that the coalition of religions running “ex-gay” organizations are evangelical — let’s consider the slippery slope here. Because converting people to add to their religion’s power and wealth is a fundamental principle of their religions — and democratic republics like our richly reward this behavior because numbers are power in a democracy — if they already are doing everything in their power to invalidate, bully and manipulate people on something so innate and personal as their sexual orientation, if you let them win THAT battle, how long do you think it will be before they cook up a rationale for a re-education camp for YOU? Not long, is what I’m thinkin’.

I remain puzzled by the number of heterosexuals who believe you can change your sexual orientation because seriously, the only way you can really believe that is if you yourself chose to be straight not due to your own real experiences of sexual attraction and love, but because of external pressures and incentives. WTF, straight people, WTF?

Cynthia

Yeah, I know: may as well wish for a unicorn that craps diamonds