Until today, I swore that I would never make fun of Michelle Obama’s appearance. After all, age and adversity have faded my youth and beauty and expanded my waistline. I can’t get a good haircut to save my life since I moved from the D.C. area. And dressing well has been out of reach financially for several years. I mention these things since I’m not the type of lesbian who looks awful on purpose, or who just truly doesn’t care.
I didn’t make fun of Michelle Obama when those nice young gay men at HillBuzz were pointing out last fall that she wore dresses that looked like grandma’s sofa.
I didn’t make fun of the designer Wilma-Flintstone-dresses-like-a-tranny-for-Halloween look that Michelle Obama chose for the Inaugural Ball.
I didn’t make fun of Michelle Obama when she showed up at the State of the Union address in a sleeveless outfit — although, you have to know, she’s in trouble when someone as out-of-touch with fashion as I am looks at her and says, “Who picks out that woman’s clothes and why does she want to make the First Lady a laughingstock?”
I didn’t make fun of the ammo belt the First Lady wore this week on at least two occasions.
I have not called out to the blogosphere, “What is Michelle Obama’s problem with SLEEEEEVES?”
But today I have snapped. Michelle Obama wore a cocktail dress in a loud, vulgar print and kitten heels — a gruesomely evocative epithet if there ever was one — TO THE CEREMONY TO AWARD A POSTHUMOUS MEDAL OF HONOR to the family of the fallen hero, U.S. Army Sergeant First Class Jared C. Monti. Too bad she was missing her favorite accessories for occasions honoring members of our armed services who have died in the service of their country — her diamond-studded peace symbol brooch and bas-relief platinum Che belt buckle must have been at the jeweler’s shop for cleaning. They totally would have completed her ensemble.
So from now on, it is freaking open season on Michelle Obama and her fashion sense AND TOTAL LACK THEREOF.
I started down this path after idling at the news stand at The Sundries Shack, where I spotted the fashion reporting by Pundit and Pundette, which was cross- posted to the Green Room at Hot Air — where the comments are so funny that I must admonish you to pee before you read them and, while you read, not to drink anything you are unwilling to spew on your keyboard and monitor.
I will close by reveling in the schadenfreude of contemplating that Barack Obama, one of history’s most vain men, periodically must appear in public AND BE PHOTOGRAPHED with a woman whose appalling lack of fashion sense and absolute inability to match her appearance and comportment to any occasion make her the embodiment of humiliation.
P.S. Reading Cassy Fiano at Right Wing News reminded me that Michelle Obama’s fashion color palette usually runs the gamut from black to black — she almost always looks like she’s on her way to a funeral. What was it about THIS ceremony that so brightened her mood and her ensemble?
P.P.S. Interesting News Items interviews Michelle Obama’s favorite fashion designer: “What is fashion but the desire to make the rich pay a fortune for looking like street people with good teeth?” Do read the whole thing here.