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Los Angeles, CA, July 5 — Speaking on behalf of the Jackson family, patriarch Joseph Jackson told reporters today that since over a million fans unsuccessfully sought tickets for the funeral for his son, Michael Jackson, slated for July 7 at the Staples Center in Los Angeles, the family has decided to postpone the funeral. Instead, the event on July 7 will kick off the worldwide Michael Jackson funeral concert tour.
During each concert, Michael Jackson’s corpse will be on display in a gold coffin with a Plexiglass lid and will be illuminated in coordination with the concert’s light show. Jackson’s place in the dance routines that were choreographed for the concert tour he was rehearsing for when he died will be shown by a follow spot, which will pick up holographic images of the late singer at strategic points in the routines performed to recordings of Jackson singing.
Joseph Jackson, who originated the idea for the tour and will receive the majority of its profits, gloated to members of the press, “This is what my son gets for leaving me out of his will, just because I slapped him around and belittled him all his life. Just because he was the reason people bought Jackson Five records and came to concerts was no reason for him to think he was better than me. I always told him he’d never win a fight with me. He thought he had the last laugh. Well, the fight’s over and I won and I’m laughing all the way to the bank.”
Stevie Wonder, who is blind, has signed on to be the tour’s opening act. “I never saw Michael, anyway,” said Wonder, “so for me, it will still be like he’s really there.”