I'm pretty sure the Venus of Hohle Fels is a dildo

by CynthiaYockey on June 26, 2009

Venus of Hohle Fels, photo by H. Jensen, copyright by University of Tubingen

Ancient dildo and fertility goddess: the Venus of Hohle Fels (side and front views), photo by H. Jensen, copyright by University of Tubingen.

I was skimming Instapundit when a link about the discovery of the most ancient musical instrument caught my eye. I play the bassoon, which is still pretty much a medieval instrument because its keywork needs a modern re-think. The bassoon is a descendent of the ancient double-reed instrument, the shawm. So I’m interested in ancient musical instruments.

Anyway, I clicked to investigate, and I advise you to do so, too, so you see the photo — I’ll wait. OK, so it looks like a transverse flute because of the size of the hole the farthest to the left.

BUT, the story ALSO links another story about the fertility goddess figurine called the Venus of Hohle Fels. I’ve seen pictures of these things in books since the 1970’s but not with anything that indicated their scale until I saw a British documentary a year or so ago with a smartass presenter who thought it was hilarious to talk about the Venus of Hohle Fels’ rarity and value while walking along tossing it up in the air and catching it, over and over. (Grrrrr!)

Anyway, as I watched and saw the size and shape of of the Venus of Hohle Fels, a flash went off in my head: fertility goddess, my ass, THAT’S A DILDO! Or, more likely, a fertility goddess used as a dildo. The image does not have a head because if it did, it would not fit well in the vagina — it would hurt. The little bump where a head should be seems to target the uterus.

Insights like this are why we need more women in science.

You’re welcome.

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