The blow job equivalency

by CynthiaYockey on June 5, 2009

Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess, is one of my favorite writers and I got sucked into the comment vortex on her most recent post for a totally innocent reason — yesterday, I vowed, come hell or high water, I would find out why CommentLuv was showing links to the blogs of other commenters at her blog, but not mine, dagnabbit! As it happens, I picked the exact time when the CommentLuv developer is moving and has switched off new registrations for a few days, so the fast and easy solution was not available.

So I had to keep returning to the comments for The Bloggess’s Thursday post, which will probably crash Twitter later today. See if you can guess why:

You know how when everyone is on twitter and you can’t get off and your husband is yelling at you that you’ve been on the internet for four straight hours and you’re all “I’ll get off as soon as everyone else gets off” … then your husband threatens to put you in rehab because you have “some sort of an addiction” …

That sucks. for. everybody. And that’s why I propose that all of us get off the internet this Friday at 8 pm Central for one hour to give our husbands/boyfriends/roommates blow-jobs.

The whole post is here.

Anyhoo, a couple of other lesbians and I did feel a bit left out of the proposed festivities, which we mentioned in the comments, which I would not have paid so much attention to if it weren’t for @/#%^&* CommentLuv’s capriciousness in finding, and mostly not finding, my Feedburner feed.

However, The Bloggess really is thoughtful and inclusive toward her lesbian readers and explained in her reply that she had always used “blow job” as a universal expression for oral sex regardless of whether it was applied to male or female private parts. Also, as she points out, “blow job” is funny and the other words are not.

I concur and promised The Bloggess that I would back her up on this with her lesbian readers from now on. So, I hereby proclaim The Blow Job Equivalency for Oral Sex Whether Performed on a Male or Female.

However, as I told The Bloggess, if or when you are listing the parties eligible, it is preferable to cast a wide net, like so: “our husbands/boyfriends/life partners/girlfriends/lovers/significant others/roommates.”

Amen.

P.S.

I am citing as my precedent the following sentence my father had me memorize in the 1960’s, when all pronouns were masculine, in order to make sure I always knew I was included as a female: “The masculine includes the feminine and the singular the plural by decision of the Supreme Court.”

P.P.S.

Noticing that The Bloggess referred to the deed as both “blow job” and “blow-job” made me smile and reminded me of my dinner at CPAC with Little Miss Attila, since we are both finical about copy editing and style details. I regaled her with an account of a cartoon from the City Paper I saw over a copy editor’s desk at one of my freelance jobs long, long ago. It featured a trio of copy editors each arguing the correct style for the term for a male who performs fellatio: cocksucker vs. cock-sucker vs. cock sucker.

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